This time I want to reflect on this past month in particular. What I failed to blog was that I quit LFW. I just couldn’t do 12 hour days, no lunch, and then being hated for wanting to leave. And although I had one of the best positions around, my heart just wasn’t in it. Before LFW, I had never quit anything. But come the end of it, I’ve quit twice.

Remember the invites I didn’t give out? 1st quit. And now this. 2nd quit.

Before this job, I looked down on quitters. I was my own drill marshal, shouting WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT FOOD?! KIDS ARE STARVING ALL OVER THE WORLD FOOL. But that marshal voice seems to have silenced lately. I miss my own PUSHING voice at the back of my head telling me to give it 121% and nothing less. Before LFW, I was the hardest worker I knew – I did everything right, and what’s worse? I actually did everything right!

So my spirits have dampened. I no longer feel like super-intern. I feel like a shity why-did-I-hire-this-idiot intern, to be honest.

Advertisements

I’ve always loved school. The idea of seeing friends on a daily basis, having a laugh, learn a bit…yes I’m a geek. But this year I didn’t get that excited first-year-of-school feeling. In fact, as I walked out of the tube down the road to my uni, as I approached the turnstiles, and as I picked a seat for the year, I was dreading each second, and each second I was spinning other options around in my head.

All I want to do is work, I figured to myself. I’ve had an amazing summer of interning, pick and choosing a week here and there at different publications and companies – and I’ve genuinely loved it all (okay up until LFW). So to be back in a news room with immature gits on the back row talking throughout my first lecture felt so undesirable. That would never happen at the places I worked this summer.

To make things worse, I hate the group I’ve been put in for one of my assignments. You know every course has a few of those kids that go to uni because ‘they might as well’ and they only just scrape through to the next year because the thought of them not seeing their friends at lunch time kills them a little bit? Well a generous 45% of my course is like that. And about 75% of that 45% (err keeping up with the math here?) is in my group. There’s one option of me just taking a back seat and doing the best for myself only, the second option is for me to take my usual lead role and spend my time convincing the group to actually work, or option numero three…ask to be moved to another group.

Had this project not been worth so much, I would have probably gone for option number two. But I want a First and thus I’ve opted for number three.

Waiting on a reply from a lecturer. Fingers crossed I get moved. AAHH!

Day one of LFW went down a treat. Saw the One To Watch show in Freemasons Hall. This year, the O-T-W designers were Lilee, Georgia Hardinge, A.Hallucination and Charlotte Taylor. Didn’t get the best quality pictures, but feast your eyes on what I have.

Backstage: Toni and Guy team working their magic on models

Out of a group of about 120 of us interns at fashion week, 2 guys and I got selected to join the actual managerial team to work with them in the offices!

So while the other interns spent the day cleaning, moving furniture and heavy boxes, I was sat at a laptop creating guest lists and calling modeling agencies. It was bliss!

I guess it just goes to show to always do as much as you can and more!

*Taps self on the back*

I did, however, learn that to make in fashion you’ve got to have thicker skin. I can’t just burst into tears when things don’t go my way. Kelly Cutrone would have been so unimpressed with me! I know that this hard work (if you can call it that) will be worth it when I see the world’s best buyers lined across the front row as the lights go up.

Oh and, ALWAYS CARRY AN UMBRELLA AND PARACETAMOL WITH YOU! It’s London for goodness sake! (Paracetamol has nada to do with it though!)

Interning for fashion week isn’t ending up to be the best job I’ve done. I’ve spent five hours running around London, personally hand delivering invitations to buyers. In the rain. And I’m ill.

That’s five hours of me hopelessly trying to find an area, then the street, and then the building number. All in pouring rain. By the fourth hour, I felt like crying. And I did end up breaking into tears after I searched for one address for over half an hour only to reach the door step and be told the recipient has moved.

The most frustrating thing is I did not get through my whole 200 invites. I gave up. Being a defeatist has never been my thing and I feel SO disappointed in myself that I didn’t make it.

As I was delivering the first batches, all I kept thinking to myself was one day, when I’m reaping the rewards, I’ll look back on today and be so grateful that I’m in a better position. But for now, it’s back to running around. Someone has to do it.